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Conversion of Real-Life IQ to GURPS IQ

Ray Cochener [silveroak@feist.com] wrote:
I'm just thinking that in any modern day campaign people are likely to have been measured for their IQ (official version) and it would be really cool to have a way to derive what the number would be...
Stephan Zielinski [szielins@pbi.net] answered:
Okay, how's this sound:
  1. Base character's intelligence is 14.
  2. If the player knows his IQ, subtract one.
  3. If the player knows his IQ to three significant figures, subtract two.
  4. If the player complains and cites his SAT scores to demonstrate how smart he is, subtract one.
  5. If the player continues complaining, give the character a five point Odious Personal Habit: Thinks He's A Hell Of A Lot Smarter Than He Is.
  6. If at any point the player mentions the book “The Bell Curve”, give the character a five point Odious Personal Habit: Southern Racist (Doesn't Mind 'Em Living Close As Long As They Don't Get Uppity.)
  7. If at any point the player mentions Gould's “The Mismeasure of Man”, add one point to IQ and give the character the Odious Personal Habit: Northern Racist (Doesn't Mind 'Em Getting Uppity As Long As They Don't Live Close.)
  8. If the player claims to have either version of Eidetic Memory, give the character OPH: Will Recite Digits Of Pi To Try To Get Laid.
  9. If the character sheet has any professional skill over 14, determine how much money the player made last year. Then laugh at him.
  10. If the character sheet has any professional skill over 18, do not game with this player unless you are armed and remain at least as sober as he is. Remember: delusions of grandeur are an EARLY symptom of paranoid schizophrenia.
  11. If the player is still arguing, subtract another level of IQ and invite bystanders to join you in openly mocking him.
  12. If the player is STILL arguing, knock off another level.
  13. If the player is STILL arguing, suggest that he instead consider playing a different modern day campaign character, such as Pee Wee Herman -- or perhaps the Elephant Man.
  14. If the player is STILL arguing, suggest that he game as a GM's Adversary, in charge of all zombies, giant amoebae, and swarms of insects.
  15. If the player is STILL arguing, tell him his mother is calling him and continue the evening's entertainment with the rest of your players.